One Life, One Death

WARNING: This is not going to be a normal AB&WOC post; I'm afraid I'm a bit on the emotional side, considering I'm in the 9th month of this whole Kid House thing, bare with me... it's about to get very personal.  Don't read this if you might be upset by it.

(I had to consider if I should publish this or not, and I've decided that while it's deeply personal, it might help someone else get through what we've gone through... I'll tell you that there are some situations that will never be "OK" and you don't get past them.  You go through them and you keep living.  Big difference.  But life is worth it).

Yay hormones!

I'm a bit worried about a friend of mine who has a similar history of pregnancy loss, ectopic pregnancy & general medical mess as me.  She's pregnant again & not quite as far along as is comfortable for people who have suffered multiple early losses.  Everything looks good for her so far, but it's still nerve wracking, waiting to hear and knowing exactly what she's going through.  I've tried to express that concern to a few people who promptly ignore and move the conversation to more comfortable topics. Understandable, and there's nothing they can do, not much to say, and it's so hard to relate... but it's frustrating all the same.

That her life is a scary parallel to my own, witnessing the total indifference of others is difficult. As my mother says, "nobody cares but you."

People try to be comforting and they say hurtful things without thinking.

"I'd stop trying after an ectopic!"
No.  No you wouldn't.  If you want a child and it's safe to keep trying, you keep trying.  It's as simple as that.
Ectopic pregnancies suck.  They suck so much I can't even begin to say how much they suck.  Not only is there absolutely no hope of survival for your might-have-been-child, it could easily kill you too.  And the solution to the problem (while not as horrible as it was decades ago) also sucks.  You are sick for weeks (maybe); it HURTS... it hurts more than a broken bone, more than being hit by lightening (trust me, I know).  It hurts emotionally because it's all so utterly hopeless.  And they don't tell you about the possible side effects of the medication because it's listed as "generally well tolerated."  Well, lemme tell ya, as a person who does not generally tolerate medications well, that was one heck of a roller coaster.  While I can't say for certain it's what caused my stroke last year (too many factors there), it was a contender, especially when you consider that I got the worst possible advice on what painkiller to take with it.
The one blessing in all of that is that I didn't have to make a conscious decision to end the pregnancy, I was spared that by fate & doctors playing "pass the bombshell" long enough that I miscarried naturally, but had complications that required treatment.  The ectopic was confirmed during surgery, but the whole communications mess that just made it worse. 
Now take those losses, the doctor-induced PTSD, a mini-stroke and months of recovery time... and after all that, no, you don't stop trying; not when both tubes are fine & you are medically cleared.

 

"Why don't you just adopt / take in foster kids?"
Well... lemme tell ya...
First, there are certain (very strict) qualifications a couple has to meet in order to adopt in the USA.  Let's not even discuss going out of country.One is an income requirement, which my husband & I do not meet.   Basically you can work your tail off & meet the income requirements and not the time requirements, or you can luck into a job that pays enough & offers enough free time that an adoption agency will feel comfortable handing you responsibility for another human being.
The next is a house with so many square feet & room requirements for said human.
Health insurance to cover the above-mentioned human.
The list goes on & on & on & on.  It's extensive, but not impossible.
When we were doing the "full work-up" (that's what genetic screening & a bunch of tests to find out why we couldn't grow a kid past 12 weeks is called) we talked about this.  If we couldn't have natural children, we would have worked to become adoption eligible.
Second, and perhaps the most important aspect in all of this (that many people miss) is that I want my child.  Some people can adopt without batting an eye.  Others can't.  It really takes a special person to adopt a child, and I don't think I'm that person.  Maybe I don't give myself enough credit, but I want to see my grandfather's smile on my child's face.  I want to see hints of my mother peaking out in his eyes.  I want to see how much he looks like my husband's family, if he'll giggle like mine or chuckle like his.  I grow my own food, make my own clothes, own my own business.  Why would I do it any other way with my family?

As to the foster kid thing... I still might consider it.  Again, there are criteria that must be met that we do not currently meet, and it's a tough gig.  Those kids often come in with broken hearts.  100% understandable, but I'd have to be very confident in my ability to take care of them and be prepared to lose them on a moment's notice, not to death but to bureaucracy or paperwork or justice, or even back to their own parents (which is the outcome you hope for there).  That's hard.  Love is not so easily thrown away for me... after losing so many of my own, could I let go of a child I loved & see them go to someone else and not know if they are going to be OK?  Am I willing to put myself in a situation where I know my heart will be broken?

 

"What's wrong with you?"This may seem like a logical question, and when asked with sensitivity it is reasonable. 
But like many couples who either suffer early losses or infertility, the medical answer is "we don't know."  Amazingly, 50% of couples in our situation do not get a definite medical diagnosis.  The good thing is that there's always a chance in the "WDK" category that you can have a healthy, living child.  The bad thing is that you have no logical answers & the human brain craves those.
Small blessings that I ended up with a surgery that fixed whatever the problem was due to a misdiagnosis (All Better! as evidenced by my rather kicky kid) .  So, problem fixed, but lab tests were still inconclusive as to what that problem was.  This leaves us with uncertainty for the future.  We're good at getting pregnant, but once we have a living child, do we risk future pregnancies and possible losses?  How do you tell your son that mommy was going to give them a little brother or sister but now that's not going to happen because they died before they were born?  Moreover, how do you tell your son that he is your ninth child when he's the only one standing here?

 

"I don't understand why you keep trying.  I'd stop after X miscarriages."
Oddly enough, it's because we want a living child.
You see... there's this state called Parenthood that some people just want to enter into. 
Some don't & that's fine. 
But when you want it, no force on earth can stop that craving but to attain it.
For most couples (and singles), it's easy: want a child, have a child.
Not so easy for some unlucky people.  It becomes all-consuming.  It's your joy, your hope & your grief.  It's faith in the future.  It's love.
What deeper love can there be than what's between parents & their children?
What greater act of love can there be than to create a life through the physical expression of it?
When you have lost... You see, when you bring a life into this world, you've also brought a death into it.  One life, one death.  The only variables are how & when and what you do with the time in between.  My little ones who came before this healthy boy I'm about to birth... I loved them so fiercely.  Even knowing they would never live to draw breath, I loved them.  I begged God to let them stay with me, to grow, to live; and through the tears & the blood I loved them.  Even knowing the grief and the pain about to take us both, I loved them; at that point love was all I could give them, so I flooded them with love.  That painful grief is itself an expression of deep love.  Love is worth risking pain.
So no... you don't stop trying after some arbitrary set number.  You try until you can't try anymore either through emotional exhaustion or physical inability.  And then you may just try once more out of a last desperate hope.
Because that love is worth it.

 

Today the ones who came before are in my thoughts.  Some had names, some didn't.  Some spoke, some didn't (yes, some pregnancies aren't just weird food cravings & puke, they come with a voice too... it's a bit creepy to start, but it's a reality that science is slowly catching onto).  I wonder if he's one of them come back to me?  It's always possible.  While the body genetics wouldn't be identical, the spirit might be the same. 
I know he's not Brian... lord was that a bad match!  I wish that little soul luck in finding the right parents because we sure weren't it!  Anyone in California near a good surfing spot looking for a totally rad son? 
He's not Her... she was so afraid of life, so afraid of being hurt, so afraid of coming into the world.  I promised I'd love her, that we'd love her and that the world was safer than she thought, that it was beautiful... but she didn't want any of it.  I fought to keep her for a while, then realized that the least I could do was give her the choice out of love, and she fled moments after I told her she could stay or go, that living was her choice. 
The others didn't want to go any more than I wanted to let them go.  Some hovered for a while, not understanding that life wasn't going to happen. Others left when life faded, and perhaps before.  On average women will carry about a week after fetal death, sometimes as much as two.

I buried them all in the same place, a favorite childhood spot.  You see, when you have early losses, depending on your state laws they are not considered human, they are medical waste.  And so with all that love and grief, I should then give my children over to strangers hands in a cold lab to be analyzed & incinerated with the other trash?  No.  I'd rather go without answers and know I buried my babies with dignity.  Understand that is a very personal decision.  One not easily made because the quest for answers is compelling.  So while this was the right decision for me, others may handle this differently.

As of Sunday, my son will be term.  As far as we can tell he's a healthy, fat little baby boy in a good head-down position and moving downward as I type.  He likes music and dislikes gunfire (if you think a 36 week kid can't ninja to the other side of your uterus like an 18 week fetus, just go to a reenactment & stand next to the guns; he about knocked me over).  At least we know he can hear.  He thinks my walk time is his romper time (ya know that myth about "they sleep when you walk"?  Yeah, right).  He wakes up when his daddy comes home & loves to hear him talk, but won't move when someone touches my stomach.  He loves eggs & hates fish.  He's snuck soda by me multiple times (I can no longer count the glasses I've realized I'm drinking on the last swallow), but he's also a fruit eater like me.

We are both healthy.  This pregnancy hasn't always been a picnic, and I was terrified I'd lose him... and I think I would have if we hadn't gotten some really good advice from a retired midwife.  We put me on light duty & bedrest until I could move without pain.  I won't breathe easy until he's out & breathing on his own -  and that's not just because he's kicking me in the diaphragm.   Losses are a blessing and a curse.  You don't rest easy, you don't enjoy the pregnancy, when I bled a while back my heart was ready to break... it turned out to be no big thing, but I was terrified until he moved.  The blessing is that you know exactly how much this little person means to you.  You are keenly aware of their mortality, and of your own.

There are a few days or weeks before our lives change in the biggest way they will perhaps ever change.  All 8 lbs of it.  I know it's not going to be sunshine & rainbows - it's going to be poo & tears & puke & sleepless nights & silly shooshing noises until we hyperventilate... followed by "OMG where's my toddler?!?" standing in the road/up a tree/under a cow...and coming home from school upset about something, and (eek!) romance, and then god only knows what.  I know we'll screw him up somehow, every parent does.
But we'll also have sweet baby-kisses, chubby hands learning to pet a cat, those moments that are the Best Ever, and god only knows what after that, with love.

So, when someone asks "why keep trying?"  This is why.  A chance at life and the deepest love there is.

Kid House

Yup, I'm a kid-house.

As many of you probably know by now from reading my FB page, my husband & I are expecting our first child in about a month.  I say "about" because the little darlings never show up when they say they are going to.

While this pregnancy hasn't been a piece of cake, it hasn't been totally horrible either.  At this point we have a very reasonable expectation of a living child.

I spent most of the first trimester on partial bedrest.  We were so afraid of losing another one, it was worth tracing the tiny cracks in the plaster of my bedroom ceiling over & over & over & over & over again. 
The second trimester was like "wee!  energy!" tempered with "Don't Lift THAT!!!"  I was able to go for walks, sew a little bit and regained a touch of normal life. 
Third trimester has been up & down.  Bed rest again for a bit, followed by some minor prego issues & borderline test results.  Nothing to indicate an unhealthy pregnancy, but things that do need to be managed.  When I push myself is when I get into trouble.  So no pushing.  I've been assured that we really are healthy, but I won't downplay the paranoia.

Mommy Brain is absolutely horrid.  I couldn't sew if I wanted to... it's as bad as being drunk, though not quite as bad as it was after the mini-stroke of last year.  The boy will be getting a lot of reenacting clothes with crooked seams & bad hems.    Somehow I doubt he'll notice or care.  I've sewn the wrong things together, linings to outsides, squiggly seams, cut original patterns vs. tracing over & making new ones, misaligned things, and a whole host of other bone-headed mistakes.  I'm told this will pass rather quickly & I'll look back on it with humor.  I certainly hope so.  I swear they steal a bit of our brains to make their own.

Upcoming Projects

All of this means that the business is closed for the next few months.  Tentatively we will re-open in February or March depending on how things go.  Once I can wrestle dummies around & take pictures of all the "new" stock that I never uploaded onto the old website, we'll have the new website up and running.  Though we haven't been taking custom orders for a while, when the new website goes up it will be purely off-the-rack.

Please feel free to call or e-mail and ask about what we do have in stock, but don't ask me to sew anything!  We'll both regret it!

Tentative plans are to attend Ft. Frederick in the spring, either as a vendor or as a camper.  This will entirely depend on how the boy & I are doing and if I have an assistant, and if they let me in after I skipped out on them this year (see First Trimester Coma).

Between now & then, I'm focusing on research (ha!  try that with Mommy Brain!) via photocopies, highlighters & notes in the margins.  Once I have my head on straight will any of it make sense?

- The main project is a timeline of patterns with research summary going from 1000 to 1500 for men & women in S/M/L.  These are outfits, not just one-off garments, and they all require fittings.  I will post the research & some pictures either here make a new blog specifically for this project and link to it.  It's an SCA thing and I have no intention of publishing or marketing the patterns.  Right now I have 4 outfits done, 6 to go.  I won't do much until I can actually sew things together to check how the patterns work, but I'm not in a rush to finish it.

- Spinning has been a wonderful no-impact past time.  I've slowly managed to make a few more skeins of yarn and I'm not unhappy with the results. 


- Moving the store out to the stone building (which is still dirt floors & broken windows) is on the back burner.  It must be done because the child will need his own room soonish, but there is a lot of heavy lifting involved that I'm simply unable to do right now.  I would like to have the floor poured before it gets cold, we'll see if that's possible or not.

- Diapers & Kidlet Clothes.  Yes, I've been making those silly cloth diapers that so many people love.  We managed to score some pre-mades which will fill out about 1/2 of what we need, and the rest I can do as he grows.  Reenacting clothes for the boy; trying to keep it fun, simple & functional.  Using quite a bit of scrap fabric.

The benefit to cloth diapers is both economic & environmental.  Also, much, much cuter than the plastic things.  And no chance of latex, perfumes, dyes or mystery chemicals.  I always wondered why I choked up around Huggies, and IDK if you know this, but they contain latex!  Uurgh!  So great, I need an eppi pen to change my kid's poo sack.  No thank you.  Cloth it is!
I got better at making them as time went on... this one - not so good.  It'll catch poo, but it's kinda ugly.

Emotionally Invested

This is going to be a little personal, but maybe more philosophical.

Today I got a FB "invite" to some Event on "why I should hate this blond lady for being a jerk at Arlington National Cemetery," or something like that.  Honestly, I didn't bother reading it, I just declined. 

The reason I declined was based on what I think of as Total Emotional Investment.  This is the amount of emotional energy that I have within myself to care about everything that I care about.  I care about many things, both real and conceptual; but in the last 2 years my focus has narrowed to the things that truly matter to me.  In the last 6 months it has narrowed even further, and I've had to give up caring about many things that were dear to me.

At the moment, my Emotional Reserve (the amount of energy I have which is set aside for random stuff) is rather low.  I'm tired.  I'm sad.  My blood pressure is screwed up.  (Cancer is gone!  Happy-face!)  But if it's not something that is directly impacting my life, I just don't have the uumph to put into it.  If it requires that I get angry, it needs to be worth me risking my life, or another stroke, or a heart attack, or at the very least another 3 days of Headache/Dizzy.

Some blond chick who has no manners or good sense?
Not worth a drop of my Emotional Reserve.

Some random obnoxious troll-chick who is horribly offended that I don't have the energy to care about some random rude stranger's 30 seconds of Rude Behavior immortalized in colored pixels?
So not my problem.



Before you scream at me, read on...

Yes, we have a sacred trust with the dead.  Culturally speaking, where we lay our dead to rest is sacred ground, and that should not be violated (never mind that it IS all the time, but that's another story).  It's why we are so horrified when punk-ass kids tip over tombstones.  It's why we are enraged when people steal bronze grave markers, especially from our veterans, our Honored Dead.  It's both a civil & moral crime that cuts to the heart of that sacred trust.  It's shameful.  It's disrespectful.  They are horrible people & deserve to go to jail for desecration.  Tombstones are also expensive.

But the dead don't care.
They don't care if a teenager tipped over their headstone or if it stands until time & rain wear it away.
They just don't.
If & when those trumpets sound, I promise they won't need a written reminder of their own name.

Those soldiers in Arlington... our great men & women who died fighting under our flag; they didn't hear her.
If by some strange twist of fate, some spirit or soul lingers there, I'm sure their shoulders are broad enough that they would not be wounded by the momentary actions of some vapid twit.
The people harmed here are the living; those who were there at the time grieving for their grandfathers, their lost loves, their brothers & sisters in arms. 

Now, who is served by hating this particular idiot on a social media site?
No one.
It certainly won't make her care or apologize.

What it will do is get a whole lot of people riled up about a person who will never change, and will likely brag to her friends that she got so many thousand people on FB pissed at her for less than 30 seconds of effort on her part.
She thoughtlessly made fun of a sign and showed her total lack of respect for that place and what it means to our nation.
That's it. 
Petty, yes.  Stupid, yup.  Disrespectful, oh yeah.
Worth my hate?  Nope.
She's not worth it.  You have to mean something to me to be worthy of my hatred.

Bandwagons have never exactly been my thing, and witch hunts even less.
Quite frankly, I just don't have the Emotional Reserve to be angry at that level of insensitivity & stupidity. 
If that makes me selfish, so be it.

I've already given both of these girls more than enough of my time; and yes, a few of my tears.

What I care about right this minute, right now in this week of Thanksgiving, is my family, my home, my job, this silly yellow waistcoat with ten million buttons, my cats, my friends - new, old, face-to-face and online, and I guess The Rosie Dog if I really have to.

I'm thankful that I'm alive, that my husband still loves me, that I'm recovering & improving every day, that the cancer is gone, that I'm warm, fed, loved... that I have people who I love.  I'm thankful that my boss can't fire me (haha).

I'm hopeful that we will have living children someday.  That I'll be able to drive again soon (without a babysitter), that things will go back to normal... that I'll find those IQ points I lost after surgery... maybe a few memories that I know are hiding in here somewhere...

My days are filled with sewing and cats, my parents & husband; spinning some days, photographs others.  A walk when I have the energy for it, history lessons when I don't.  (Rosie Dog, if I have to)...

Those things are simple and very personal.  They are also the truth.  It's what I have room for right now.

Purist

With a lot of care & work & changes
you might be able to make the McCall's into something worth the material going into it.
But probably not...

Yesterday at the Hartstone gathering (SCA) Vicki P. used a great word in reference to my "stickler for historic accuracy in all things clothing" - Purist.
I love it.
I admit, I'm not a Pure Purist.  I'm totally OK with machine sewing, modern interfacing for buttonholes, synthetic trim (when necessary) and even poly/cotton thread if Needs Must... Sometimes the design of the fabric is so very perfect, but the fiber content is a bit off, and that's OK as long as fire hazards aren't a concern.  Zip-ties for boning are A-OK with me, though I do prefer cane or reed or metal.

What I'm thinking about this morning is my personal approach when asked about historic clothes.  There, I'm a purist.
I will not give you an "incorrect" answer.  I will answer you to the best of my knowledge based on historic fact, my most current research & my best educated guess backed by that information.  I will also tell you which is guess & which is fact.
In form, function & outfit; the shape must be right, the layers must be correct and the fabric must have the proper weight & drape for the garment.

You must tell me specifics of where your persona is from.  I cannot help you if the answer is "in period" and "they traveled around."  It just doesn't work for me.  No offense to you, but you just fried my neural pathways & I have no direction to go in at all.  Tell me "French, merchant class, early 1600's" and I'm on it.  I'll give you the name of their tailor & let you know what kind of sheep they used to spin the cloth from, but don't try throwing Italy at me in the same breath.  If you want a versatile garment, tell me that.  Say "I want a generic Western European gown for the 1500's" and I can toss out a few that will work.

Patterns:
If the pattern is not available from a very reputable source,  backed up by historic information (archeology, museum pieces, literary sources, etc), it has to be a very educated guess, following the proper form, for me to say "yes, go for it."  Please, present your research to me.
I won't just say "yes."  I'm not a Yes Girl.
Please, do not hand me Simplicity or McCalls, though they can be decent when cross-referenced with real research. I know a lady who makes patterns for McCalls & she is Spot On... but she's one lady who occasionally makes patterns for that company, and they hire a lot of people who are not as careful.
When you ask me, you are going to get Janet Arnold, Norah Waugh, Linda Baumgartner, and a host of other serious scholars who have backed up their patterns/research with original garments & primary sources.  You'll also get Diderot, Gersault & Le Art du Tailor.
From there we can talk about adjusting to fit an individual portrayal; within your budget - but that's where I start.  Accurate.

Good questions to ask are:
- What garments do I need to make for this portrayal?
- Will I be comfortable in this outfit?
- What weather will this outfit/garment be suitable for?
- Can/must I combine it with other garments? (Is it versatile?  Is it a one-trick pony?)
- Would my persona have worn this or am I just making it because it's nifty?  (it is totally OK to build a persona off of a costume vs. making costumes to fit a persona; however you want to do it is fine).

Fibers & Materials:
I truly believe that using natural fibers - linen, wool, silk, cotton or a combination thereof - is the best course of action.  Care is straightforward, the garment will last for years, fire hazards are reduced to a minimum, natural fibers are more comfortable, and above all it's correct.  You can wear natural fibers to any event without worrying about looking out of place.  You don't have to gaze longingly at your pretty polyester petticoat & sigh because you can't wear it to this Uber-Accurate Event that it would otherwise be lovely for.  When it gets stained you can just throw it in the dye pot & it will take the dye evenly unlike synthetic or synthetic blends.  You can even dye it with natural dyes!
Using the appropriate weight fabric is also very important.  If you can watch t-v through it, chances are it won't make a good winter coat - but it might be perfect for a gauzy cuff or floaty dress.  Cheap cotton is just not going to cut it for a structured gown, where a nice linen, wool or silk would be perfect... even a heavier weight cotton can be lovely.

Good questions to ask & answer are:
- What fabric(s) was the original garment made from and why?
- Did it have structure built inside, or is it a soft garment?
- Was it made to go over a structured garment, or is it supposed to be worn on a natural form?
- What materials/accessories am I going to need to make this garment & how many yds. will it take?

Cost:
Yes, fabric costs money.  Period.
It will cost a lot more money if you just throw "whatever" together & have to do it again later if you decide that you really do care & want to stay in the hobby.
It will cost a lot more money if you try to make the wrong fabric work by plastering $200 in trim over it when you could have just spent $40 more on the right stuff.
It will cost a boatload more if you use a crappy synthetic that shreds & blows out the first time you wash it, or a $1/yd cotton for an outer garment that should be relegated to flat-lining for quilts or making muslin mock-ups.
Personally, I think it's best to care to begin with... that way even if you decide that you don't want to continue in the hobby, you can turn a few dollars on your old garb vs. having to toss it in the Halloween Donation bin at the local Good Will - though that's not a bad idea... better than handing it off to some poor newbie when you know for a fact it's totally incorrect.

Good questions to ask are:
What is my budget for this outfit?
Where can I obtain the correct fabrics for this outfit?
What can/can't I skimp on?
What is necessary & what can be left off until later?
How will this fabric preform? (Will it be hot/cold/damp/comfortable etc.?  Will it shrink in the wash?  Will the combination of fabrics play well together?)


So basically, when you ask a clothing history geek "What should I wear?" don't be surprised if we won't compromise on honesty.
When you ask a Purist "can I use this (ghastly) polyester (modern) print?" and we say "um, no." don't get upset.
By all means, make costumes.  Costumes are cool.
Us Stitch Counters/Purists understand that not everybody cares about what we care about.  But if you ask us for help, and then say "well, I wanna do this totally farby thing anyway" don't take the ))Face/Palm(( wrong - you just asked, we just told you... we can't make you be accurate... but if you weren't planning on it, why did you ask in the first place?  Though we do want you to ask... please ask!
Just like we are going to ask about those fantastic apple tarts...


We aren't Perfect Purists, we know that.  Research continues, improvement is the goal... And I can almost guarantee we've got Pop-Tarts in our food box...

Life Happens

1810 cotton dress, will be listed on For Sale page.

Occasionally "Life Happens" and everything changes. January, February & March were just that... Life Happened & everything changed. Work was interrupted, personal health suffered, emotions in shambles. And then we rise from all of that for a new day, and go on. Perhaps not better, perhaps not stronger - just changed.









1715-60 Stays, custom.

Things are slowly getting back to normal.
I'm fine one day & the next someone has pulled my plug. I've slowly gotten back into my exercise routine, though it's nowhere near where I want or need it to be; I just can't push myself that hard this soon. Yesterday & the day before I was skipping around like my usual maniac self & today when I woke up I felt utterly drained.


1790 Stays, will be listed on For Sale page.

Last week I worked part time & seeing the sewing room was good. I also took it easy & was careful not to over-do it. This week I made it through a few full-time days without taking to my bed & I can't tell you how happy that makes me.




1715-70 altered stays, modern wear, custom

The order pile, which should have been done early last month is getting trimmed down slowly. With any luck & barring further complications or disasters it will be completed before my first event - hopefully before my customer's first events, but who knows? Certainly not me -


1805-15 petticoat, Museum Fine Art, Boston
My trial version with squared neckline

I won't have much time for stock before my first events, but fortunately we have a decent inventory already.




1806-09 Evening Dress, cotton, will be listed on For Sale Page

All things considered - finances, stress, time, interests, event schedules - I'm taking a long break from custom work & concentrating on Ready To Wear garments. 2011 is booked anyway & I think 2012 (at this point) may be a custom-free year. I, of course, reserve the right to change my mind on a case-by-case basis...






1830's chemise, chemisette, sleeve puffs & corded petticoat

One thing that March has taught me is how incredibly important family & personal health are. A job is just not worth some things; even a job that I'm so passionate about. No matter who I risk disappointing or angering; my family, the people I love, are 1000 times more important than someone's waistcoat or dress.


I intend to enjoy my family to the fullest. There comes a point where one has to ask, how much money is our happiness worth? Some, surely, because we can't live without it, but how much does it cost us in joy, love & life?



Cravat Pads, linen,
will be listed on For Sale page
Custom

I also have every intention of fully enjoying this event season, of seeing people who's company I delight in, making some really wonderful garments & meeting new friends.



1700's engagentes, will be listed on For Sale page

As of right now here is our event schedule:
Original North Eastern, Mass.
LBC's Joey, NY
KLR, NY
NRLHF's NEPR, NY
NRLHF's EPR, VA
NRLHF's SEPR, SC?


1823-27 Frock Coat, custom

Depending on sales & stock this may change, I may add or subtract events as we go along. I'm also looking for an event or 2 between the EPR & SEPR as there are 3 weeks to kill and it's quite far from home - perhaps not worth the drive twice.

The thought of going west is tempting & I've never seen the Mississippi River... we will see.

An Interesting Month

October & November have been a rather interesting months in my life & business. Here are some images of the garments that we made...

These are both 1840's outfits, we made the coats & waistcoats.
Thank you to the Frazier International History Museum for sending the pictures along! (Dashing young men, aren't they?)

I spent most of October bouncing between being terribly sick & hyperactive. A positively unbelievable amount of clothing was produced & shipped out. Despite the head-cold, it may have been one of my best months ever.

November was a little rougher. The cold lingered (the cough has yet to depart) and a new & rather uncomfortable illness set in. My Dr. freaked out & sent me to some specialists & for blood tests and all of them said "there's nothing wrong with you!" Which was wonderful news to me, despite feeling like death warmed over on some days & just peachy on others. A good dose of garlic seemed to fix what ailed me & I'm continuing on with this plan until I find something better. Vampires beware.

Work in November has been rather disorganized, but constant. I've based my schedule more on how I'm feeling that day than who is next in line, though I have managed to keep to the general outline. I've made many patterns, cut about a dozen orders & have been bouncing around sewing various things according to my energy level on any given day. On high energy days I wrestle with the larger garments, on bad days I curl up with my hand-sewing projects. I'm looking forward to the week when everything is miraculously finished all at once!

The quilted petticoat is progressing quickly, I've been devoting a couple hours to it in the evenings while "watching" t-v. The top border is more than 1/2 finished and I'll soon have to decide how to proceed with the middle section... or I'll just work on all those straight lines on the lattice-work top...

I've been messing with various cuts & angles for Canadian Caps. Playing around with "how to make a fur pom-pom" and if it's better to put cording inside the fur strips or leave them on a natural fold. What weaves work best & which fabrics to avoid, (don't use very stiff material, it doesn't turn). One must also account for the space fur takes up when figuring out how large the bottom has to be. The next one I'm going to try will be seams on the outside covered with fur... this might work better than the cording & bag-lined version. We aren't quite there with the design, but I'm getting closer. By the time I figure it out, I'll have enough test hats to give away as Christmas presents. My failed attempts are still very cute.

Featured Gown

As a favor to a friend I'm posting a gown that I made for her here. You can find it on the "for sale" page of our web site with all the pricing info, etc.
















This was worn once by my best friend & maid of honor to showcase her lovely ink art.
She partied hard, but there are no stains, runs or tares in the gown.

Due to a pressing need, she must sell it and I've agreed to list it for her. So if you want to look as fantastic in this as she does & can pay the asking price + shipping, please contact me either through the e-mail address here or the contact info listed on the Oakhill site under "contact us."






The Curiasse bodice top is a cotton / synthetic blend in a gold tan & pink brocade with a lovely historic pattern that dates back to the mid 18th century, lined with olive linen. It is boned and closes with many buttons.












The hoop skirt has a pale gold faux-silk (polyester) base and a neutral green sheer striped overskirt that is edged with pink ribbon that has a beautiful gold floral pattern.
















The 120" hoop has a drop-waist, is made from tan cotton & has white ruffles up to the hips, the ruffles are mystery fabric.

As a side note, a full-grown man can fit under the whole thing without wrecking the line of the dress. What can I say? it was a great party. And I'm the boring one in the family!


The outfit can be worn with or without a corset, which is not included.

It is dry-clean only.

This is an excellent buy for anyone getting into mid-19th century dance as long as you aren't particular about fabrics.

It's also available just in time for Halloween.

The top could double as a work-place vest if paired with a button-down shirt and flowing skirt.

Bad Customer, No Cookie!

I just found out that my nightmare customer is a recurring theme in the lives of other historic seamstresses. Thankfully I can say "no" to this one quite easily. I really think we need a black-list for PITA's, history of non-payment & general harassment.

It's really important to those of us who re-create these garments that they be:
1. correct
2. durable
3. beautiful
4. well made

...We all try really, really hard to make what you (the customer) wants. Most of the time we manage it. Sometimes we don't. These things happen... not very often, but they do happen.

But occasionally there are individuals who can't be pleased. No matter how hard you work, how many times you re-make an already perfect garment, how many hours you put in, how long you research, how many times they approve (and then change) the design... they will never be happy.

There are customers who will actually yell at you. Yes, they will yell, scream, holler & sometimes swear, I even had one physically threaten me (over a coat, people! over a coat).
Before you can even send their money or fabric back to them they will call the BBB... they are on the phone bitching before the lady at the post office can stamp the package. They will call or write to whatever powers-that-be to tell them just how much you suck. They will send hate e-mail, hate mail, trash you to every other professional in the business.
There are customers that are soooo nice until they turn into rabid dogs.

These are the people who make us just want to quit. These are the people who (even if they are right - technically), make those of us who sew want to throw our hands up in the air & say "forget it, I'm just sewing for myself now."

Here's the thing: seamstresses are human. We love our jobs. But we are overworked, severely underpaid & these things take time. Once you add in the sheer volume of garments & customers that we work with in a year, there are bound to be a few things that don't work out. I'm sorry for that. Truly I am. I will fix it. But I may not be able to fix it this month... maybe not even next month. Heck, I'm booked into January right now!

I understand if someone isn't happy. Occasionally I'm not happy. If it's my fault I will do whatever I can to make it right. But for goodness sake, read my Terms & Conditions, understand that I'm not making these things in China or Mexico, I don't have a 6 figure bank account... (I'm lucky if I've got a 3 figure account).
Being yelled at by you on the phone or e-mail is not going to get your garment sewn any faster... no, I can't make the fabric supplier ship that stuff any sooner, nor can I make the button guy cast any faster (he's got a backlog too). Nor am I going to make customers who ordered well in advance wait longer because you want your stuff for the end of this week.



As to the non-payment thing... it's quite upsetting. Those of us who craft your beautiful clothes work very hard. A dress takes an average of 10 hours to sew... by machine. Never mind the hand work, design work, fabric prep, fabric cost (...5-10 yds!).

A man's suit takes 2 or 3 days. A pair of breeches is 5 hours start to finish. That's 5 hours of my life plus materials ($20 in buttons alone) that you just stole from me. And no, I don't have a spiffy insurance policy that will pay me for "that kind of thing." It's just me here, with a sewing machine, scissors, needle & thread.

That literally takes food out of my mouth, literally doesn't put gas in my tank & there's half a day of pay that you took from me. For what? a pair of pants that I'm only charging you $65 for? WTH man, this isn't Walmart! I don't keep a slave in the basement!

I do this because I love it. I sew for you because I enjoy your company, I love the sport & have a true passion for history. I'm not asking for an arm & a leg ( I just want them measured correctly). I'm asking for a fair price (a reduced one at that), so you can play toy soldier on your weekend off. I'm asking you to pay me for my material, my time & probably a little bit of my blood too.

I get blisters, muscle cramps, sometimes I can't move my hands on the weekends, sometimes my whole arm goes numb from working on the sewing machine, or doing repetitive motions wile hand sewing. I stay up for hours researching garments & fabrics & weaves & history of economics so that I know what I'm talking about. Do I always remember? Nope. Can I always get tow cloth (not in North America I can't... and btw, if you've made it this far in the rant & know where I can get tow cloth, please tell me!).

There are few things worse than having someone walk out of your store with something you worked so hard to create & later finding out that they gave you a stolen credit card number, or wrote a bad check. Even worse is "I'll pay you the rest later" and they never do... what a betrayal of friendship & camaraderie.
Nothing leaves my store now unless it's paid for. I'm sorry to the rest of you for that, but promissory notes & credit cards will reserve the item, but they will not buy it until I know that money is in my account.

And it's the same people over & over!

Which leads me back to the desire to have a black-list.

I hear the same things from my seamstress & tailor friends... same people again & again. C / S / M didn't pay me... M is a total PITA... P yelled at me & sent the garment back.

Normally I don't let this stuff get to me. It's just that this incredibly talented & wonderful seamstress (who's work & blog I haunt) may be quitting because of this horrid customer, who I've had bad experiences with. Everyone I know who sews has & she's actually made 2 seamstresses throw in the towel. She's not a bad person, she's just a terrible customer! Which somehow makes it worse. I don't want her to sink a 3rd ship.

Please check out Lauren's blog,
http://americanduchess.blogspot.com/
it rocks.

Happy 30 b-day to me! with a Doll Cake.

I like birthdays. I've always like them. Mine, family, friend's, strangers, early birthdays, belated birthdays, unbirthdays. I like them all. Don't know why. Perhaps it's because it's a celebration of that individual and their life.

So, now I'm 30 and really happy about it. The 20's were awesome, the teens had their good parts, my first decade started off heavenly and quickly went 'splat', but there were some shining moments. I can honestly say, life has just gotten better & better. I'm very much looking forward to the rest of it!

One of my favorite parts about birthdays is the cake!
"Ooh! CAKE! Everybody likes cake!" -Eddy Murphy in 'Shrek'


I've had some truly nifty cakes.
The kitty cake
The shoe cake
The bunny cake
The tea pot cake (though this wasn't for a birthday)
and a lot of cake-cakes of varying degrees of niftyness.

But around age 10, and not consistently, I started making my own birthday cakes. This was after the bunny cake fiasco (which involved coconut not just on the outside which was removable, but also baked in, which made me very sick for the rest of the day).
Not only did making my own cake make it my own fault if I got sick, but I got exactly what I wanted in a birthday cake. This may take 'if you want something done right, do it yourself' a little too far for some folks, but I made my own wedding clothes too.


With all those cool cakes the one thing I never had was a doll cake. I always wanted a doll cake. But not one of those cheesy round 50's ball-gown-ish monster-frosting cakes. And I never knew how to even begin making one until I watched a few episodes of Charm City Cakes, Amazing Wedding Cakes & Cake Boss. I never knew cake could be carved!


So off I go on my doll cake adventure!
Cheep-o fashion doll. Check
Fake flowers. Check
Baby powder. Check
Cake mix. Check
Frosting. Check (so I thought, had to go get another one)
Silver platter. Check
Food coloring. Check



I washed the doll & dressed her hair a la' 18th century. Pinned a few flowers in & then powdered the heck out of it. Thankfully baby powder sticks to nylon hair quite well and was still powdered after I tapped most of it off.
Baked 2 cakes & cut to size, glued them together with frosting and set the doll inside. Had to add a bit to get the dress up to her waist.
Frosted the bottom & then frosted her top so she was actually wearing a dress, not just a skirt.
Piped on yellow with a little purple & called her done!

She may not win any awards, but she was exactly what I wanted.

Just to make you feel warm & cozy!

OK, so things are a bit hectic this time of year, with Giftmas coming up & winter travel delays & the shortest month of the year (that being December which though the calendar insists has 31 days, in reality has only 23)...

We should all take some time out of our 'gimme-rush-moneyin-moneyout-church-store-tempertantrum-stressedout-nicetoseeyou-ohgodtheinlawsarehere!' lives to really think about what matters.











Stop & look around at the marvelous creation you are a part of.

Go outside & take a few good deep breaths, and feel the miracle of life.

See the beauty of the world.

Listen to the wind in the grass, feel the snow on your face & the trickle of water in the streams.

When you come back in, take time to appreciate the warmth & love in your own home.








Whatever label you want to stick on it, in this dark time of the year every moment of light is something to be cherished. No matter where you are (in the Northern Hemisphere anyway).

Take time to enjoy the beauty of a new-fallen snow, the thrill of a winter storm, thank your lucky stars you aren't in North Dakota (unless you are, then thank the skill of your furnace man).

Have you ever stood in the middle of a winter field at midnight & looked at the glory of the heavens? That cold, clear space come down to earth in that single moment of time.

Have you ever felt the chill air blow across your face while Father Frost tries to freeze the breath in your body, knowing that the only thing standing between you & an icy end are the clothes on your back and that warm, distant farmhouse?

If you haven't, you should try it some time.




Please remember, no matter what holiday you celebrate, WHY you are celebrating it.

These holidays are not about THINGS. They are about love. And no matter how many or how few items are under your (_________), what really matters is the people in your heart, and sharing those thoughts & feelings of love & appreciation with them.

It's not about everyone going to Grandma's through snow, sleet & dark of night.
It's not about everyone getting the same number or price in gifts.
It's about the love & caring you have as a family (and not asking those you love & care about to risk life & limb to be there on THAT day). Remember that you love your family & friends no matter what day it is, and that they love you too.

A single gift that is truly a gift, not an obligation, is worth more than an I-pod or X-box or whatever the latest soon-to-be-outdated toy will ever be.
Sometimes a gift of your time is the most precious thing you can give.
Sometimes a gift of your skill is worth more than all the gold, frankincense and myrrh in the world...
Sometimes a gift of kind words is the only thing someone needs to warm their heart for years.


Keep warm this Holiday Season.

Take the time to count your blessings (and tell them how much they mean to you).

Keep your mittens & muffs tied around your neck so your hands are always warm.

Hug your children when they come in covered in snow. It's better than presents under a dead pine tree.

Patting the Dirt on Fashion's Grave

http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/108042/the-relentless-rise-of-power-jeans

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

OK, OK, jeans have their place, and I'm not 100% against wearing them. Denim is a lovely fabric with hundreds of possibilities. You can cut fire wood in it and not get splinters in your legs. You can shovel animal dung and not worry about getting icky stuff on your good clothes. Your kids can wear them to school and spill whatever they want on them... slide into home base in them (though jeans aren't really the best sports wear in the world), put holes in them, outgrow them and pass them down to lil' bro or sis.... well, you get the idea.
Jeans are one of my favorite things to wear when I'm going hiking through the woods or helping a friend move, or doing just about any kind of heavy or semi-heavy labor.

The styles & cuts have minor variations, but in reality jeans are jeans.



With the notable exceptions of bell-bottoms.. sorry no bad picture unless I scan one of my aunts, 80's stonewash jeans or those horrid "whale tail" low rise things... and who could forget the dreaded "I see London, I see France, I see Jimmy's underpants"?



Denim is truly one of the most practical fabrics we have today.



BUT I DON'T WANT MY PRESIDENT WEARING THEM TO A MEETING!


This is not the type of fabric that says "take me seriously, I mean what I say."
It says "I'm having a great time!" "Get out of my way, this I-beam is heavy." "It's Friday at my mid-level relaxed office job and I'm looking forward to a beer after 5:00." "I'm wearing these pants to church because you are making me go, I really don't want to be here."



I'm not sorry to say that unless you are actually applying for a job at Apple or on a road crew, you really shouldn't be wearing jeans to any job interview, meeting or formal function. No matter how creative you want prospective bosses to think you are.

Flame me if you want, but denim belongs on kids and hard-working folks, not in the board room or political forums.

How 'Bout Them Apples???

I spent today canning & drying apples and making venison jerky. Mom made pickled & frozen peppers.







Putting up the apples came from three thoughts.
One: "I'd really like some dried fruit to go camping with."
Two: "Gee, I'm tired of paying for corn syrup in my applesauce!"
And Three: "Wow, those apples on the hill look REALLY good... am I too old to climb a tree? Te-he-he!"

And so, with pack basket and garden rake in hand, I traveled up the cat path, fought through the lilacs, tromped down the golden rod and made my way to the glorious apple tree!
After picking what I could reach, I hooked a few branches with the rake & gently shook.
After shaking off the lower ripe apples I hoisted myself & said rake up into the tree and hooked & shook some more.
With basket full and very little gone to waste I again fought my way through golden rod, rose bushes & lilac's back down the cat path to put the rake away & begin the long day of cooking & canning.

(Mom says the apples are "strawberry apples" or "sheep's nose", they are a very old variety. If you bite into one the taste screams "APPLE!!!"). They are prone to worms & seed rot, so you can't just cook them, you have to cut them in 1/2 and core them. The cores tend to be crooked, so have a paring knife handy.





Dried Apples
Use fresh, pesticide free apples. They should be very flavorful or tart.
Cut out any bruises, rotten spots, worms, etc. You can leave the peels on if you like. You can even leave the cores in, just remove the seeds. They have to be really perfect.
Slice 1/4" or thinner.
Soak in citrus water (orange, lemon, lime, etc. will work great).
Put in a food dehydrator & dry according to the directions in the booklet, or dry in the oven on 150 for 5-12 hours.
Check every 3 hours, turn over for even drying. Remove from heat once they are dry. Some may take longer than others.
Store in a sealed container at room-temp, in a dry place.

--I'll be lucky if any of them make it to the Eastern. I'm replacing candy with these things. And 4 or 5 slices are a perfect snack.




Applesauce
Core apples (peeling optional)
Boil in water & 1 tbsp. lemon juice about 20 minutes.
Put through Foley Food Processor to remove peels, or just mash to leave peels in.
For every 2 lbs of apples, Mix:
1/4 cup sugar (I used brown sugar)
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground allspice
Refrigerate over night to serve that week, or can to serve all year.
See below for canning instructions (they aren't the best, check out some other directions).

I think there's something you can do with the peels, but honestly, I just tossed them.




Apple Butter
Any apples, peels, cores that are OK. No seeds.
Boil in water (just enough to cover apples) for about 20 minutes, remove from water & put through "NEW Foley Food Processor!" to remove skins & other hard-bits. (Or you can use a spoon & colander like I did the first time... it's a pain. Get the food processor.) Set aside.
For every 4 lbs of apples combine:
2 cups brown sugar (make sure it's all natural).
1 cup water that you boiled the apples in (or apple cider if it's all natural & no preservatives... just use the water, it's there, it doesn't cost more.)
pinch of salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp allspice
3 tbsp lemon juice or juice from 1 lemon + zest.
-Mix it all up & cook on low heat for a long, long time (about 1 hour for each 4 lbs). Stir a lot to keep it from burning on the bottom. Get a book & prepare to be burned several times in the last 30 minutes.
-Or you can do like Betty & instead of stirring like mad for 2 or 3 hours, you can put the whole mix in a crock pot on 200 overnight, and only stir once in a while. I think Betty is super-smart.
-When it glops & stands up on it's own (like when you dip your spoon in it and it doesn't slide off without shaking it, it's done). It will reduce by about 1/2.
-To can it: Pre-heat your lids & jars, have your water for hot-packing ready to go.
-Put the yumminess in the jars 1/2" from the top with a canning funnel.
-Wipe the rim & tighten the lids on the jars.
-Put jars in the water bath & heat to boiling. Boil 10 minutes, let sit 5-10, remove & cover with a towel overnight. Check the seal on the jars the next morning. Anything that isn't sealed must be frozen or eaten soon.
-Wash your sticky dishes so you don't get ants & put that huge mess you just made back where it belongs.
-Remember to share the goodness with your friends, but don't expect your little jars back.
(yes, these last two instructions are part of making apple butter).

Apple Butter was a Colonial American favorite. It was traditionally cooked in an huge cast iron pot over an outdoor fire with a lot of people helping. They used a HUGE paddle to stir the pot.